Friday, July 11th, 2014
Today is the day. Or as Chris said, today is the first day of the rest of my life. At exactly 8:45am today I took my first dose of antibiotics to treat my late stage Lyme disease. It was more emotional than I thought it would be. It took me about half an hour to get up the nerve to take the first pills. I decided with Bella asleep that I would go to see my mom and Aunt Peggy upstairs and ask them to say a little prayer with me. We all held hands in a circle and I said a prayer.
I asked that my body accept the medication and use it to heal. I said that I was grateful for all of the love and support I have and all of the blessings in my life. I asked to make my body strong.
I do feel like I am torturing my body while asking it for a favour.
Here is the truth; I am afraid because while I type this I can hardly concentrate because two rooms away Chris is listening to the radio. I am afraid because today I accidentally took 30 times the correct dose of an herbal medication that my doctor specifically told me should be treated with care because it can be stronger than antibiotics. I am afraid that I may lose myself in the cognitive confusion of Lyme.
I am excited to get better. I am choking on 64 pills a day. I am optimistic about my future. I am tired.
I can be cheerful and in fact, most days I am, but today I will be stoic. This is a big challenge. This will be hard. This will push my willpower and endurance. This will be worth it.