January 2nd, 2015

I am excited because I have made a lot of progress on my treatment plan.  When I was diagnosed in the spring of 2014 it had been years since I had worked, driven or really participated in life.  By the time I started treatment in July 2014 I was unable to read or concentrate, I was no longer able to safely use the stove and an active day would require four to five days to recuperate. 

It is really miraculous to me that I am now able to stay awake most days, that for the most part I have my balance back, that I can drive, read, cook, bake and run errands like other people do.  I don't have my stamina back yet, but I am making progress.   It feels wonderful.

I will admit, the treatment isn't always easy.  Christmas parties and sweets made it very tough to remain true to my Lyme diet.  Feeling better hasn't helped with this either because now that I am feeling a little better I want to leave this treatment behind me.   

That brings me to today.  I am tired, sore, nauseated, a little dizzy and I have no motivation to take my 68 pills and 1 injection.  I should be thankful - I was taking almost 80 pills a day, so this is an improvement.  I should be thankful - I have had two days in bed in the last three weeks, which is a record for me since as long as I can remember.  I should be thankful - I have found a treatment that works that will give me my health and vitality back. 

I am thankful -  I am starting to feel like myself again and starting to feel well.  This might turn out to be the hardest emotional challenge.  I will have to keep the lessons I have learned about being good to my body, about eating and sleeping properly, about saying no to something I want to do because it is too much, about putting my health above immediate gratification.  

Now it's time for my mid-afternoon pills, so I have to put my big girl pants on and get on with it.  If the only way out is through I will keep going.  No point in stopping so close to the finish line.  Besides, I have been promised that there will be a Nanimo Bar and a DQ Blizzard waiting for me at the other end.